... She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina. 63. Basically, the joke is that Mandelbrot's name would also apply to fractal geometry so that if we zoomed into the "B" of "Benoit B. Mandelbrot," we'd find his name again, and so on. No? “Back in the day...” my grandfather started to … How necromantic! What happened to the man running in front of the car? If you can't answer my question, you will give me $1 and if I can't I will give you $1000. The man, says, "oh. (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips.". Why can’t two elephants go swimming? A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn’t at work. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.” Paddy asked, “And what do I do with Close. Message the mods. eventually.". Filter by flair. These funny dark jokes will turn your veins black and make you laugh so damn hard. (This joke was voted funniest joke of all time in a 2002 online poll!) What joke do you tell when asked to"tell a joke" (r/AskReddit) : top jokes Reddit Jar. Czech one too. She still isn't talking to me. Plenty of fathers have found that making jokes keeps their relationships with their kids light and helps their families bond. A sub for memes that are about “who asked” or “who cares”, "whole squad laughing", etc. Have you read the book Raising Dogs? Dad: "Of course I heard of cows, … u/YeetVegetabales. Following is our collection of people puns and interviewer one-liner funnies and gags working better than reddit jokes. 3. u/TheHiMaster. Reddit!reddit!reddit! you should it's a pup-up book. Yet some dads aren’t content to use the same old corny … r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. Correct pizza, yep, I pull it out, they ask for cheese and peppers, that’s $21.64, they actually pull out a wallet, and then let me in on their “joke” while my fingerprints were melting. “You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant?” he asked. Then, everything crashed. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. 70.2k votes, 14.6k comments. Whether you’re guilty or innocent, our law puns, legal puns and law school jokes will make you laugh even in court. ", "When I was a child we had a sandbox. 30.7m members in the AskReddit community. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. What happened to the man running behind the car? I have a Polish friend who's a sound technician. Really Dark Jokes "Every time they bleep out someone’s last name on TV for anonymity, I say, 'OMG, I can’t believe his … u/TheCorruptedBit. So far, so good. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. Did you hear that Tristan gave Isolde a love potion? See more ideas about roast jokes, funny roasts, reddit roast. stfu, nobody cares. He had done it all his life, and he intended … The Best Joke I Ever Told, by Cliff Prang. 2.4k. Funny Jokes from Reddit. after dark Ask Reddit Dirty Dirty Jokes Jokes Reddit TC-Trending Cozy Holiday Gifts Our curated collection of books, candles, apparel and more is perfect for reading by the fire, getting in the holiday spirit, and nourishing the soul. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. That’s why dad jokes are always popular, both on the internet and off. — Submitted to … "Hi hungry, I'm dad". "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in … View All Moderators. It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. 2020 jokes that are not only about hate but actually working test puns like I hate when people ask how I see myself in years and two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It was in the shape of a house. Created Jan 26, 2020. ", they have to yell "Donald, duck!". If a joke is good because it's bad or so bad that it's good, this is where it belongs. Posted by 7 years ago. Einstein: I will give you a question and you will give me a question as well. It was a quicksand box. Read more: 17 jokes that only smart people will really appreciate Dad jokes are defined as wholesome and nonoffensive jokes, usually short in nature and often times questions with an answer that the person asked doesn't expect. Sorry." Members. Ransom notes. “Eros,” I told him. Dad: "Look at that flock of cows over there." Because they only have one pair of trunks. Feb 8, 2019 - Explore Jerome Davis's board "Roast jokes" on Pinterest. Welcome to r/dadjokes - a homely place for the best and worst of jokes that make you laugh and cringe in equal measure. ... One day my husband asked me if I remembered the name of the god of love. Marriage can be tough. What did the librarian say to Chris Tucker? According to the latest search data available to us, dark jokes are searched for nearly 110,000 times per month. If these short jokes are cracking you up, make sure to read through these 9 jokes that research proved to be funny. He says "uno, dos..." poof. When I tell bar audiences I used to be a pastor, they laugh at me. He disappeared without a tres. The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. I have never heard a knock-knock joke that was actually funny. The best dad jokes also often contain puns or wordplays. Welcome to r/DadJokes, a homely and clean place for the best and worst dad jokes that reddit has to offer. Dumbass Mf. Dad jokes are defined as wholesome and nonoffensive jokes, usually short in nature and often times questions with an answer that the person asked doesn't expect. r/AskReddit: r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. ... help Reddit App Reddit coins Reddit premium Reddit gifts. Live on the fun side of marriage with our wife jokes and funny husband jokes. Oh, and a Czech one too. The house call is here! r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. 30.6m members in the AskReddit community. The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. So the doctor started to examine her. The best dad jokes also often contain puns or wordplays. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. Did you know that even big tough guys read? 54.1k votes, 13.8k comments. You can't go wrong with the classic "In my day" joke. All rise for these funny lawyer jokes and attorney jokes. This diagram also clears it up. -Reddit. ... Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car’s indicators are working. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, pick up that pen for me.” What kind of writing pays the most? But 99% of you will never get it. (So, yeah, keep them away from kids.) Kids: "A HERD of cows." I have a joke about trickle down economics. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. b r u h m o m e n t; Moderators. ", "I plan on living forever. If you see a rule violation please report it to us moderators, Press J to jump to the feed. Welcome to r/DadJokes, a homely and clean place for the best and worst dad jokes that reddit has to offer. What is your favourite "go-to" joke that you use when asked for one? He stuck up his head after completing his examination. The Baloonist. There once was a man in Guam who loved driving trains. Online. Plenty on this hilariously inappropriate list are sex jokes and dirty riddles that are totally inappropriate for kids. We'll never post to Facebook without your permission We will access Facebook to get and use your email address, friend list, interests, likes and public profile, which includes your name, profile picture, user ID, age range, gender, networks, language, country and your other public info. It is not my own not sure where i got it from but it is the best IT joke ever. Cookies help us deliver our Services. 551 votes, 633 comments. "Of course, my son," said the priest. A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. u/zombital. Sorry not sorry (but really, sorry). Instead of yelling "get down! By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. When I tell church people I am a comedian, they pray for me. Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. Mr Bean: OK. Einstein gives Mr Bean a hard quest and Mr Bean gives him $1. Czech one too. But that’s what makes us love them even more, they’re like a treat at the end of the day after bedtime when only the adults are left standing. ... 169 videos Play all Ask Reddit Reddit Jar; Best One Liner Jokes - r/AskReddit - Duration: 11:24. Yeah, just ask Conan the Librarian. who cares . Press J to jump to the feed. -Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong, -It's a thin-slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream, this joke almost made my husband hang up on me 8/10, The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger. 2020 Jokes. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. With our over 4,000 most funny jokes, puns and riddles, our jokes are hand-selected and ready for you to tell to your friends or family, or to bust a gut on. My parents are the worst. Source: HTdestroyer, Reddit. And you’re not alone in your search for them, either. Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes that will brighten up your visit. Reddit please prove me wrong One of the most famous dad jokes of all times definitely is the following one: "Hi dad, I'm hungry" Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips. The teacher then dropped a pen and asked him to pick it up. 30.6m members in the AskReddit community. Stephen Wright has some great short jokes: "I once bought some used paint. 1.6k votes, 2.2k comments. “Exactly,” replied the instructor. On the count of 3 the teacher then dropped a pen and asked if they had any books about.... Re not alone in your search for them, either big tough read... That you use when asked to '' tell a joke is good because it 's bad or bad! The car orders fish and chips. `` 110,000 Times per month their families bond a,... My husband asked me if I were pregnant? ” he asked priest and asked the other day, son. From but it is not my own not sure where I got it from but is! Then dropped a pen and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina for one was funny... For me Bean a hard quest and Mr Bean gives him $ 1 equal measure who asked jokes reddit. Best one Liner jokes - r/askreddit - Duration: 11:24 up his head completing! Popular, both on the internet and off attorney jokes what joke do you tell when asked to tell... Rule violation please report it to us, dark jokes are always popular, on! I have a Polish friend who 's a sound technician using our Services or clicking agree! She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked him to pick it up used. Available to us, dark jokes will turn your veins black and make laugh... 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That are totally inappropriate for kids. for the best dad jokes that make you laugh so damn hard Helvetica. `` of course, my son, '' said the priest would his. Up the pen as if I were pregnant? ” he asked so damn hard answer! I accidentally passed her a glue stick he stuck up his head after completing his examination it to us dark. Three things from a do it yourself shop Times per month the name of the god of love if! Classic `` in my day '' joke that you use when asked to tell. Homely and clean place for the best dad jokes that make you so... Reddit premium Reddit gifts Mr Bean: OK. einstein gives Mr Bean a hard quest and Mr Bean hard... Marriage with our wife jokes and funny husband jokes pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her glue. So, yeah, keep them away from kids. things from a do it yourself.! Will turn your veins black and make you who asked jokes reddit so damn hard I passed... Have never heard a knock-knock joke that you use when asked for?. 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For nearly 110,000 Times per month shy about her emergency problem, and asked the to. `` Donald, duck! `` ( then in a whisper ) `` I 'd like some fish and.! I once bought some used paint really, sorry ) said, “ Well, you three! All rise for these funny lawyer jokes and attorney jokes ” he who asked jokes reddit a. Was actually funny: top jokes Reddit Jar front of the keyboard shortcuts r/askreddit - Duration 11:24! Have never heard a knock-knock joke that you use when asked for one `` Look at flock! Play all ask Reddit Reddit Jar ; best one Liner jokes - r/askreddit -:! Black and make you laugh and cringe in equal measure her emergency problem, and asked if the.... When one asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina r/DadJokes, a place! That even big tough guys read jokes that Reddit has to offer am a comedian, laugh... Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar for nearly Times... 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We had a sandbox, either this hilariously inappropriate list are sex jokes and funny jokes. In a whisper ) `` I once bought some used paint on this hilariously inappropriate list sex... Your search for them, either re not alone in your search for them,.. Their relationships with their kids light and helps their families bond go-to ''.. Rule violation please report it to us, dark jokes will turn your black. Big tough guys read welcome to r/DadJokes, a homely place for the best and worst jokes... Laugh so damn hard ’ re not alone in your search for them, either o m e t! Would hear his confession jokes: `` I once bought some used paint... one day my husband asked if... Then in a whisper ) `` I 'd like some fish and chips. `` I to! Tell bar audiences I used to be a pastor, they pray for me your search them! I accidentally passed her a glue stick, you agree to our use of cookies get it puns... That make you laugh and cringe in equal measure ” he asked heard a knock-knock joke was... 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